Wedding Worry of the Week: My (Nonexistent) Tan

I recently saw a photograph of myself confirming some of my worst body image suspicions: I'm pale. P-A-L-E. Pasty, white white. Where the sun don't shine is all over this body of mine.

Which normally, I'm totally fine with. I'm actually kind of a skin freak. As in, SPF 45 every morning, anti-wrinkle cream at night: my daily skin ritual since the ripe old age of 20. I wear caps to the beach and on long runs. I don't bask in the sun for long; I'm an explorer of the great indoors. The sun and I aren't on bad terms or anything, we just have a mutual understanding of one another.

But all that is about to change. Because this summer, I'm revising my relationship with the sun. It's time for us to take things to the next level. Get better acquainted with one another. Spend a little more quality time together, meanwhile still practicing our same old safety precautions (has anyone else seen the new SPF 100 out on the market?).

This relationship change is necessary for one main, horribly shallow reason: I will be dressed head-to-toe in ivory on October 30, and I don't want to be mistaken for a Halloween ghost. I want to look like a bride. A lady. A vision in white, not a vision of white. Which means for me, my friend, that I've got some hard-core pigmentation work to do.

So get over here, sun. Let's snuggle up. It's Memorial Weekend, and it's time we had a good, solid first date again, just you and me. See you Sunday at Barton Springs? I'll be dressed in my best suit.

Wedding Worry of the Week: Wedding Party, Guest List...

... pretty much any wedding-related decision that involves choosing one friend over another. It can't be done! Especially the wedding party; Clay and I are at a complete standstill when it comes to determining who will stand still with us at our wedding. (Ok, besides the bride and groom. We're pretty confident we've got those two people all figured out.)

Seriously, when did these decisions become so difficult?

Right after we got engaged, one of the first things we did was head to the local Fredericksburg liquor store and buy ourselves a bottle of champagne to celebrate. (That and a bottle of red wine. Ok, and maybe a 6-pack of Shiner Black, too. See? Baaad decision-makers, the two of us.) We took our champagne out to the Fain Ranch, spent an amazing day in the beautiful Texas Hill Country, and fantasized about our bridesmaids, our groomsmen, our wedding, our future lives together.

Up until that point (almost 5 years), we'd never really indulged in that kind of talk with one another; by far, not all of it at once. Hinted at: yes. Teased about: of course. Discussed in piecemeal: sure. But for both of us to come out with it all, these feelings we'd been harboring for God knows how long, made everything feel so... liberating. Like a breath of fresh air. It felt like we were two little kids, best friends sharing secrets out in the middle of nowhere, where no one else could hear us or discover us or find out our secret mission.

It all felt so innocent and carefree and wonderful back then, but now that we're staring at overdue deadlines and faced with real decision-making for the wedding... well... I can't speak for Clay, but it makes me want to pour another glass, or throw a small hissy-fit, even shed a little tear. (Did I mention I'm a fully-grown adult? Yeah, sometimes I forget that, too.)

Patience, Meredith. And fortitude. And mental resolve. We will get there. (Deep breath.) And soon. And then we'll look back on our nonsensical worrying and wonder what the big fuss was all about.

Such is the circle of wedding life, I'm learning all too well.

Wedding Worry of the Week: Dress

It's good to address your fears every now and then. Face them head on. Throw yourself to the wolves, and let go of everything holding you back.

These were the mantras running through my head this past weekend when I faced one of my biggest wedding fears: the fear of the wedding dress. You may think I'm trying to be funny or cute, but for real, that thing scares me. Especially the veil. Oh, and the train. And definitely the weird bra I'm going to have to buy to hold the whole thing together. See what I mean: scary!

But, I got over it. I faced my fear. At least for an hour last Saturday when my mom and I ventured over to a cute little South Austin shop called Unbridaled.

At first I was truly skeptical of this place, thinking they'd probably be too funky or modern or alternative for my taste; I'm much more of a classic, simple girl. But I reasoned it would be a good fun start to the whole wedding dress hunt and less stifling than a fancier bridal store, so why not? I put on my big girl pants and bravely booked a 4pm appointment.

And you know what? It really wasn't so bad. (Shocker.) Granted, I started sweating profusely the minute we walked in the door I was so nervous, and I'm pretty sure the sales girl thought my mom and I were freaks after Mom liked all the dresses I hated and vice versa, but really, it was totally normal. Familiar, even. Like I was in junior high again, trying on clothes from the Gap in front of my mom because, a) she was paying for them, and b) she had the wheels to take me to the mall. Yes, suddenly I was 14 again, except without the weird hormonal changes or self-confidence issues or inherent teenage angst. (Though come to think of it, that description isn't too far off from a bride-to-be: hormones, self-confidence, angst. Hmmm.)

But anyway. Back to the dress experience. Even though we came out empty-handed, and though I'm still not certain which style dress I'm going to end up with, I'm really not so intimidated anymore. In fact, I think I'm ready to book my next appointment at another bridal shop. Hey, look at me! That's right, I own you, wedding dress fear.

What I learned from this is something I keep have to relearning; it's one of those lessons that just doesn't stick with me. The lesson being, holding on to a certain fear and being afraid of something is a basic human instinct. Fear is what reminds us that we're really still alive. Which is exactly why letting go of your fears makes for such a big thrill.

One of these days, the lesson will stick. Until then, I'll just have to keep on fear-fighting. Starting with the big white dress.

Wedding Worry of the Week: Money, in general

"On average, US couples spend $20,398 for their wedding*." Gulp.

But wait, it gets worse. Austin weddings in my zip code average from $20,041 to $33,402! 30+ thousand? As an average? Um, I think I just hallucinated.

Other sample city averages (based on the high-end)*:

Dallas up to $29,832
Houston up to $27,027
San Antonio $22,948
San Francisco up to $56,604
Portland up to $29,577
New York City up to $33,147
Chicago up to $28,302
Hondo, TX (where my parents are from) up to $14,789

I find it crazy that Austin beats everyone on this list, save for San Francisco, CA (and to you San Francisco brides, I say, Lord have mercy). Even New York City falls slightly short. New York City? Isn't that supposed to be one of the top 5 most expensive cities in the world? Not when it comes to weddings, apparently.

This might give you an idea of what keeps me up at night. Why is everything so frickin' expensive?? Now that I've booked a venue and set a date, I'm in the throes of even more wedding planning mayhem: photographers, caterers, florists, wedding dresses... The list goes on! And on. And on. So much for things quieting down a bit.

And since I am doing a wedding on a budget, this will get interesting, because I will definitely have to start making some sacrifices. Maybe my dress will come from J. Crew. Maybe we'll have an iPod wedding, instead of hiring a band or DJ. Maybe it'll be a BBQ dinner feast, as opposed to a more elegant multi-course meal.

How did we let it come to this, ladies, I mean really? I know it's a big night, but $30,000 is a really nice down payment on a house. Or a kick a** honeymoon to Fiji. Or cash money for a brand new 2010 Acura TSX, fully loaded, with navigation (I've been eyeing that car recently, can ya tell?).

All I'm saying is, things seem to have gotten out of control somewhere down the line. In an attempt to personalize our big day and wow our guests to the umpteenth degree, we've lost sight of what the day is really all about: 2 people, bringing more people together, through something as beautiful as the innocent bonds of love. Sometimes that notion gets clouded when you're concentrating on whether to spring for the Halloween-themed photo booth or tackling down logistics of the book-themed centerpieces for your yet-to-be adorned white linen-covered tables.

One thing I've got on my side: I happen to be the queen of budgeting, cutting corners, and making things work, and so this will definitely be one big challenge that, if anyone can tackle, it might as well be me.

And more importantly, I'm determined to not lose sight of the meaning of my wedding day. I only get one. Forever and ever. (Amen.)

* (Source: costofwedding.com)

Wedding Worry of the Week: Venue

Ok, I officially had my first freak-out moment as a bride-to-be. I was literally in tears last night in bed, worrying about none other than the wedding date and venue. Didn't take long, eh? I am such a girl sometimes.

This past weekend, I received a good tip from a running buddy to stop waiting and definitely jump head first into booking a venue, because, you know, Austin's kind of a neat little town, and I guess October/November is sort of a pretty time of year for a wedding.

Not really taking her too seriously, I casually emailed 5 or so venues, just to check their rates and availability for the fall. Lo and behold, wouldn't ya know, Fall Saturdays for most places are all booked! Completely! I mean, honestly, I still feel a little offended. Don't these people know I have a wedding to plan?

So of course, I automatically flip into official freak-out mode. OFOM. Let's call it OFOM, since clearly that switch is liable to get switched a few times over the next 10 months. I immediately emailed 10 more venues to get a feel for availability and am still waiting to hear back from most.

Wish me luck.

In the meantime, enjoy my little image up top, the Google photo result of "official freak-out mode."