Am I Missing the Shoe Gene?

(Considering my apathy regarding lack of wedding shoes... It's quite possible.)

One of the tardier items on my planning checklist that I have yet to cross off is the inevitable purchase of the perfect wedding shoe. I mean, let's face it, shoes are like the most important part, right? These babies will actually get me down the aisle and married off to a good man. No trippy shoes or wobbly shoes allowed. Fashionability and functionality required. Yeah, that's right. It's kind of a big deal.

But according to my planning checklist, I should have accomplished this task a few months ago. By June at the latest. Uh, what? Isn't it almost September? I think my stomach just tied itself in a million knots. Deep breaths, Mere, BREATHE. You'll pull through, hon, just hang in there!

Clearly I don't know how to handle missing on my deliverables. It just doesn't happen. So why has this shoe thing been so hard on me? The so-called "Achilles heel" of my wedding plans? (Bam! Pun so intended.)

Perhaps it's time I 'fess up and come out of the closet on my feelings regarding shoes. I'm sorry to tell you like this, in a shabby wedding blog on the internet, but there's really no way around it. The truth of the matter is... gulp... I honestly hate (gasp!) shoe shopping. I loathe it. Despise the process. Execrate the very idea of a shoe-induced outing.

Omg, can't believe I just admitted that on the world wide web. I can see it now: women everywhere shaking their heads at me in scornful disdain. And rightfully so! I mean, how could I? Put "hate" and "shoe" in the same sentence? That's just not... female.

And while I can't fully explain this unnatural aversion to all things stiletto, I might be able to offer up some possible root causes. Such as:

(a) I have unnaturally large feet for my 5'7" frame. At a whopping size 10 shoe (so not fair), it's hard not to feel like the ugly stepsister with unladylike clunkers every time I sit down for a shoe fitting.

(b) I live in Austin, TX, a culture that scoffs at anything hinting anti-casual. (And with a closet full of flip flops and running shoes, clearly I've acclimated well to my hometown lifestyle.)

(c) I'm painfully frugal. Target and Payless are my homegirls. Amen. 'Nuff said.

Evidently I'm not cut out for the wedding shoe purchasing experience. Big feet, tightwad: it might not be possible with my DNA. And so how do I get myself out of this shoe rut? You can't just change genetics overnight.

I totally need a shoe consultant or something; someone to whom I can show my dress and explain my vision, who would then hopefully lead the way to my wedding shoe sanctuary. I feel like I know people out there who would fit the bill. You know who you are. Interested in helping a bride in need? (All qualified applicants should submit a photo or description of their favorite pair of fancy shoes. Payment commensurate with experience. Bonuses and perks include glasses of wine, squeals of delight, and spontaneous hugs and kisses from the delirious bride-to-be.)

In the meantime, here are the results of some personal web research on shoe candidates. From fancy to casual to fun to traditional: what "wedding shoe" personality am I?

That I can't really say, genetically-speaking.

[via Style Me Pretty and Once Wed]

[via My Glass Slipper and Peter Fox]

[via Once Wed and Green Wedding Shoes]