Methods of Self-Therapy

Lately I’ve been getting more caught up than usual in the wedding planning craziness. Guest lists, flowers, timelines… details, details, details.

And when that happens, I’ve started telling myself… Guess what! It doesn’t really matter! None of this really matters. As long as Clay and I have our relationship in a good place, with a good solid foundation, none of the colors, or registry items, or shower guest lists really matter. It means nothing. Those details, well, they’re inconsequential.

Which is partly true. The whole solid relationship bit. Only, here’s the thing:

I have a really hard time telling myself not to care. Convincing myself to blow off decisions is not exactly my M.O. Become indifferent, become apathetic... I’m just not that kind of person. Not even close. I’m more of an all-or-nothing type gal. I’ve been told that I wear my heart on my sleeve, and then put that same heart into anything I do. (85% of me agrees with this statement; I like to think I’ve got a little more grit under my fingers than that, for the record.)

So. Though telling myself that “nothing matters” actually alleviates some of the wedding planning pressure, I worry about the longer-term implications of quieting my ambition. I don’t want to look back on my engagement remembering that I numbed myself into not caring anymore. I’d much rather revise my personal pep talk now. Change it so that the message doesn’t penalize me for caring too much. Avoid the risk of killing a little part of my soul.

"Shall I remind you, dearest,
that the reason you care so much, sometimes even worry so much,
is because there still exists between you and life,
a passionate love affair.
And because of this, everything's going to be just fine."
[via Notes from the Universe]

So how do I calm myself down when I get over-hyped? What do I say to myself to put things into perspective? Finding a new support mantra will be my top personal task for the next month. Ready… go!

Lessons from a Bride-to-Be

Being a bride-to-be is one of the more admittedly insane periods of my life. I've gotten in touch with my girlish side, touched on a few hormonal nerves, and lately rediscovered my old patterns of insomnia and restlessness. (Good God, I hope this isn't a glimpse into a future (way future) neurotic pregnancy. Hold me now.)

But if I've inherited any traits from my German & Alsatian ancestry, it's this: that I am one scrappy Fraulein. I make due with limited resources (like sleep). I find ways to make things work. And all along the way, I try to remain as open as possible to the life lessons just waiting for me to discover them. Sappy, I know. But who are you to judge an open heart?

Here are some things I've been learning lately from the School of Engaged Life:

1. Learning how to let go. How to divide and conquer. How to pass off tasks to friends and family and not be so worried that I'm putting them out or over-burdening them. Because asking for help is okay. (Really, it is. Promise.) Because it can't all be done alone. And even if it could, what's the fun in that? Weddings are one of the more joyful events in life, right? Share the love!

2. Learning more about myself. What I like. What I envision. What traditional elements are important to me (like reciting vows), and which ones are not (like not seeing Clay the morning of the big day). Weddings are like a crash-course in self-affirmation. A litmus test for your current taste and style. I can't tell you how many married women have approached me in my wedding planning and admitted all the things they themselves wish they'd done differently. Who knows? Five years from now, I may look back and say, Gray bridesmaids dresses? Really? A little drab, much, don't you think Mere? (Or I might gush secretly to myself and go, Aw, good job girl!)

3. Learning to be a better decision-maker. Which, for the record, has never been my strong suit. I'm too much of an easy-going, go-with-the-flow, "whatever everybody else wants to do" type-person to have ever truly succeeded at that "my-way-or-the-highway" role. With weddings, there are umpteen-million decisions to be made (fact), most of which I don't really care about. (Which table linen fabric? Uh, the normal kind?) But then again, I do care. (Definitely satin, with maybe some texture, oh and does it come in natural colors?) I mean, it's my wedding. When else in life do you get the unique opportunity to gather family and friends together in one place, on this large of a scale, where the main objective is to celebrate love? I feel like I owe it to them - to my future self, to my mom, to posterity's sake - to make the best decisions possible for this once-in-a-lifetime event. (Uh, no pressure there, hon.)

Anyway, I'm clearly a work in progress. (Just like this wedding.) I've never really stopped growing and evolving; it just seems that lately my growth has been expedited to a much more rapid pace. Although some days I still don't feel like being an adult. Eh. Two steps forward, one step back, right?

One thing I'm certain of, you can expect many more of these little lessons to be shared before this whole engagement business ends. I'll take what I can get. Sort it all out later. And in the meantime, just try to hang on and enjoy this free and wild ride.